Notice to terminate tenancy

TO: The Glaucous-WingedGull Family

OCCUPYING THE PROPERTY LOCATED AT: The top of a cargo container at the Earley Business Center

YOU ARE HEREBY NOTIFIED that your tenancy of the premises will be terminated in 45 days. Or when you fledge. Or really, whenever you feel like it.

On that day, you will be required to surrender possession of the premises to the Landlord. Judicial proceedings may be instituted for your eviction if you do not surrender possession of these premises on or before the “date” set forth above.

We have received numerous complaints regarding raucous behavior and poor housekeeping. You have displayed some aggressive attitudes toward your neighbors, and the roof of the container is not in the condition you found it. (We recognize our definition of “damage deposit” is NOT the same as yours.)

While we would have preferred to deliver this notice in person, our delivery person was afraid of your reported excellent marksmanship skills. Your warning shots have been duly noted.

Please respond within the allotted timeframe, or vacate the premises when your flight feathers grow in. Yelling and barking at us as we pass near the container does not constitute a response.

DATED: 28 July 2016

Environmental connection

Glaucous-winged gulls, along with most other species of birds, are protected under the Migratory Bird Treaty Act of 1918.

The MBTA (not to be confused with the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority) makes it illegal for anyone to take, possess, import, export, transport, sell, purchase, barter, or offer for sale, purchase, or barter, any migratory bird, or the parts, nests, or eggs of such a bird except under the terms of a valid permit issued pursuant to Federal regulations.

Basically, that means we can’t move the gull nest until the chicks are old enough to fly. In the meantime, we do our best to keep a safe distance to protect ourselves from precision-guided parental gull-bombs.